Where am I going?

Kids are tested with ‘Fill in the blanks’ in kindergarten exams. When they grow up, the computerized entrance tests take over, it's all about multiple-choice questions from there on. And then, sometimes, for some nuts, life turns a full circle.

Pratima H

THE bar was his first idea, but almost everyone knew him there.

To the mountain, would have required him to trek. The thought itself was exhausting.

To the pizza house may be, but the insurance agent would pounce on him again.

To the clinic would have really been peaceful, but what if there was no queue in the waiting room today! No way taking that chance at a dentist’s who loves her profession way too seriously.

Not even a theatre after surviving last week’s suicide attempt.

Then where?

Shopping malls are too creepy, sea beaches too crowded and temples too noisy.

He just wanted to run away somewhere.

Somewhere he could be at peace, calm with himself and his insomniac mind?

Just anywhere? Away from here.

Here.

A place that had driven him mad for the past few days. He found himself asphyxiated on his 25 storey building’s terrace and nothing helped. Nothing helped him and everyone he saw worsened his state. Even seeing a milkman ignited the fits and even watching a stripper was of no help, but ironically otherwise.

Right now, this guy who had chickened out of a ‘how many beers can you drink?’ challenge last Friday, would have skydived out of a plane in the blink of an eye. Just to be alone and to think. Or may be - just the opposite.

Tem minutes later, he found himself sitting on a bench. He wiped some beads of sweat and cupped his face with a sigh. The darkness that his handkerchief and two palms could spin now was way more relaxing than his wrestle-match with all his room’s curtains, light bulbs and at times even the celestial bodies

He has even started considering a nap in this posture when a shriek startled him.

A five year old boy gleamed with a loud cry when the see-saw sent him on top of the world.

His down-to-earth adversary, a chubby six-year old girl with pigtails was waiting impatiently for the heavenly experience.

Besides them, a merry-go-round was already grooming kids into the imperatives of standing-in-queues-and-waiting that their adult life would be all about. But yes, the happy screams of those whirling in joy, made the wait worthwhile.

Swings, toboggan rides, rabbit-chasing, knee-bruising, paper-scissor-rocks, healthy mud-slinging and aimless running around.

Oh, so he was in a children’s park!

Should he breathe out a cuss word at his folly? All this noise, all this disoriented laughter, all this chaos, cachinnation and all these greenhorns running amok! Is this where he ran away from the sea side?

Actually yes.

Ironically, he felt a little respite in this mayhem.

He wanted to be lost. What better than a crowd that is least bothered about you when they have a squirrel to catch!

Lost he became. Shutting out all the volume that had been screeching in his brain for the last few days. The voices in his head gave in. The remote control was back in his hands now. And he happily pressed - mute.

Fifteen minutes into gazing blankly at this parallel world he had parked his soul in, he was disturbed by a husky voice.

“Ain’t gonna go, I am telling you. The park will close soon. The mind will buzz as an obstinate bee again.”

He turned sideways and turned mute himself.

Wow! A face, as charming, as impish and as forever young as Gerard Butler! And the same lethal smile he had envied like since ever.

“Umm..eh..who..who are you?”

The face released a full-of-rains-and-winds laugh before he slapped the answer back – “What if I say I am from God’s Customer Care department? Would you believe me?”

“God’s what?”

“Forget it. You can call me Jeeves. But don’t expect me to hold a tray for you ok. So, now shoot. What’s the problem, dude?”

Silence replied with a stare.

Jeeves smirked, “Girl problem?”

“Oh come on! Why everything in this world has to be about women?”

“Because they are the ones who make the world worthwhile right?”

“Yeah, kind of. But they make it foggier also. Why do they have a million and a half moods? And why is it so complicated to really interpret what they are saying?”

“Or why just women! Everything in this world is so incomplete. Everything has been left in a black hole. The last pages mercilessly torn from a detective thriller.”

Jeeves gave a wise nod.

The outburst continued.

“Do people really mean what they say? If not, why do they say such things? Is it smart to be selfish or is it selfish to be smart? Do naïve people die happier than vile ones? Is there really a pot at the end of the rainbow of race, career and wealth? Is that the pot I am actually looking for? What if it has honey, but I don’t really have a sweet tooth? What if I want noodles inside it?”

“I agree. I would like it be full of peanut butter.” Jeeves piped in.

“Yes, that reminds me, Why are all things full of pleasure not good for health? I love staying up for parties or for work at night, but no, that’s not good for health! Beer, not good. French fries, not good. Driving at 100 kmph, not good. Why?

And why do we have to act all smart and sassy to get respect? Or have a snazzy car to get attention? Why can’t we be like these kids, stupid and genuine? And yet, we ourselves would mock or ignore people who might be silly but have a golden heart? Why can’t we have a golden heart? In fact, why can’t we afford to carry a heart everywhere we go? Why do we have to leave it at the janitor’s locker room when we step inside our offices or colleges or societies? What is so wrong about wearing your heart on your sleeve? What’s so heinous about letting your heart talk? Why can’t we trust our instincts instead of shepherds of this world who know nothing of the really green pastures? Why do we have to do things because some cowards have been doing that for ages? What’s wrong in stumbling? Why is there always someone else you would rather prove yourself to, instead of your own voice? Voice, now why can’t everyone sing? Why can’t everyone dance? We all are born the same right? Then why do some eyes are so beautiful and wise and some so shallow and sly?”

Eyes, the word, distracted him a bit, and he mustered his will not to gaze at Jeeves’ pupils; then he shifted awkwardly but then confessed.

“Why are there some eyes you can’t look into? What’s so scary about it? Why some eyes absorb you like a vacuum cleaner? Why do I feel that a baby’s eyes look right into you, even though a baby looks so harmless? What is so wise about them? Don’t you feel that all the babies have a secret code of their own and somewhere they are all laughing at us? Smart Alecks!”

“And yes, why don’t they let us sleep? Why doesn’t anyone let us sleep for that matter? Why do people make noise while a wedding is happening? Why do they go dumb when someone should really speak up? Why do we all fail to make the most of what we have? Why don’t we do something that will make our life worthwhile? When will we stop existing and start living?”

“When will I start living?” he gasped, “When will I do something that will make me celebrate ‘you live only once’? Anything? Saving a child from the fire or creating a recipe or writing a book or discovering America? Well, not America, that Columbus already did? But what went through his mind while he was at it? Or for that matter the minds of Einstein or Newton or Zuckerberg? They didn’t really know what were they after, and they still were after something?”

“Like what am I after? Love? Spiritual enlightenment? Food? Liquor? Cars? Deadlines? The guy who cut me in the traffic? The guy who broke my trust? The guy who is so disgusting, who wears Prada but smacks of arrogance? Oh yes, by the way, what is the right word for a situation or a remark which is so God-help-me nerve-wrecking that you won’t even react to it? When you really want to pity someone because they are beyond hatred or help? Why are there no words in dictionary for many people and situations? Like - What is the accurate word for ‘mmmmmmm’ when you taste that pav bhaji that Raju in Khau Galli makes? No, don’t say ‘delicious’ or ‘yummy’, it should be more accurate and more, more…like more wholesome….You get what I am saying?”

Jeeves smiled.

“I know you get what I am saying. Why is it that you know that some people would really get what you are saying even if it’s all gobbledygook or baby-blabber? And why is it that some people just won’t get what you are saying, no matter how many brochures you hand out or how many manuals you shove down their throat? Why do the best conversations happen in monosyllables? Why do Dads scold when you hate it and stop scolding when you want it?”

“What else,” Jeeves prodded.

“It just never ends. These questions. And it’s not that there are no answers that make me insane. It’s that why am I asking all these questions? Why can’t my mind rest? Curiosity kills the cat, but why do cats keep peeking all the time? Why does it give a kick when you gossip? And why do dogs bark or howl all the time? Why do they say ‘all men are dogs’? Is it insulting a man or a dog? Why do you call something a hotdog? Is it a compliment if a girl calls me that? Is it a compliment if someone calls you ‘interesting’? Does that not mean in a polite way that one is abnormal? Why can’t air hostesses be less polite? You know they hate you and they still greet you smugly! Ah, greetings! Why do we have to say ‘It is nice meeting you’ to stranger we just got introduced to? We hardly know that person to be called nice? Isn’t there a better salutation?”

“That and more. I am not a doctor for God’s sake. Why do we always ask a mechanical ‘How are you’ on every phone call when we both want to rush to the point? Would we really be concerned if she says ‘Oh not well today, my stomach is a bit upset since the pasta I had last evening’?”

“Why do we waste our time on things and people we know are a waste? Why do we take the more important people and stuff for granted? Why does the whole world look unpopulated when only one person is not around? Why does everything seem so alright when the same person is around, even on the ripped hulks of a sinking ship? Why does it take a ‘Titanic’ to say ‘You jump. I jump.’ Why can’t two people say the very words on a bungee jumping trip or a career-argument or a fight over a burnt omelette?

What’s wrong in admitting mistakes? Why do people use it against you when you admit one? Why can’t we make mistakes? Why can’t we have a tattoo at 54? Why can’t we try a DJ’s life when our friends are fighting for the cheese in B-schools? Why do we call big shots ‘big cheese’? Isn’t that derogatory, like rats after you and all? Why don’t rats live in jungles and make their own cheese? Why are they around us? If they are rats, why do we call some of them guinea pigs? Why are some people like rats and some like guinea pigs? Who are the real kahunas?

Am I a rat too? Why can’t I find a place to get lost to find myself? Why do we have to fill in silence? Why does technology make things more complicated sometimes than making them simpler? Why is there so little space that we need in this big world? What’s so selfish in asking for one’s space? Is it asking for the moon? Why do we need a sun to orbit all the time? Why do I need a car to do that? I can do that on a cycle? So why this fuss over petrol prices? We can be happy with so less and would still prefer to run after the so more and be unhappier. A shabby doll used to make us happy, now a full wardrobe fails to do that.

Why can’t my wardrobe have clothes made of bubble-wrap? It would be so less boring.

Why can’t coconut water be wrapped and stored in bottles or tetra-packs? Why can’t you use flowers in our lunch-boxes and beans in the vase?

Why can’t we make a chilli halwa? Or eat pills in salt-and pepper-shakes?

Why can’t we sing carols in office and nice songs for God? He wouldn’t mind a more creative, entertaining, remixed prayer, would he?

Does God exist? With the world so full of bad stuff and things and people? Are you for real? Who am I talking to?”

At this point, Jeeves put his hand over his and gave a warm, assuring smile, “You need to stop now, and let me say something.”

He breathed a thankful sigh and started to listen eagerly.

Jeeves pulled him along into a story.

Once upon a time there was a weird boy. He always observed things others never looked at. Always peeped out into the boundary of the beyond. Collected sea shells, pollen seeds, honeycombs and thrown-away cans. His friends laughed at him when he stopped mid way during a hide-and-seek game and started gleaning nuts, nails and screws from a new trail. “You are a nut case.” They ridiculed him.

One day, he left his village and joined some nomads.

Something he always wanted to do. To go for a treasure hunt. Even the nomads laughed at him this time. But he never cared.

Some years, miles and bivouacs later, they came to a quaint place, fossils of a forgotten kingdom as they discovered. But they soon grew bored of it when none of the bolted doors or rusted, iron chests opened. The locks were heavy, engineered in a very complicated way, such that their smartest tools, fires and axes failed to cajole them. Everyone left. Everyone but the boy.

He enjoyed the mystery and felt camaraderie with the aged trunks and boxes. They looked incomplete. They way he always used to feel with his curious eyes. Something crossed his mind and in a casual, enjoying maneuver he pulled out all the screws and nuts his own treasure was full of. And lo!

The screws fitted. The nuts jolted in. The nails embraced the holes in a tight grip. In the blink of an eye, everything snapped open.

The boxes now unbolted, welcomed the boy to a world shining with jewels, joy and extraordinary tales of a king’s life. All for the boy to marvel and indulge in.

I hope you got what I am pressing at?” Jeeves said. “The so-called nut, only, had the right nut.” He said slowly pausing on the word ‘nut’.

“So, I am a nut, and that’s not bad?” He asked back, all confused.

“No,” Jeeves interjected. “What I am saying is that the boy would have been the same as everyone, if he didn’t have the nuts, or the screws. Everyone found the treasure, but only the boy had the screws. And only he could open the boxes. Life will give you answers, will bring you to wrecked kingdoms and fairytale places, but before all that, you need to have the screws. The questions….do you get it…to have the questions, is more important! Because you would never be able to savour the answer when it comes, unless you have the questions with you. Forget all the comme il faut, forget what others are after, forget if they call you a nutcase, you collect your nuts.”

His face suddenly relaxed and all the frowns ironed out in the nod he gave back to Jeeves.

Jeeves winked and chuckled now, “Any more questions?”

“Yes, if we ever make the Indian version of F.r.i.e.n.ds, who will play the role of Phoebe?”

“You have figured out who will play Joey already? Don’t tell me!”

“Yes, but won’t tell you now. Let’s save something for the next time.”

Jeeves made a pout and stood up in reply, “Ok, that’s cue for me to go then?”

He knew he wanted Jeeves to stay, but he also knew there were other nuts for him to attend to. He smiled with a grateful handshake and said. “It was really nice meeting you.”

Jeeves gave a naughty grin, “Oh, that one. I am not falling for that. But till you find a better, more honest line, I will take that.”

Before he stood up and sauntered away like a Hollywood hunk, he added, “And by the way, you might want to try the chilli-halwa on your own.”

He smiled in affirmative and sat there watching him vanish into the crowd.

And then he muttered back to himself, “Why don’t Angels leave with visiting cards?”

“Why do grown-ups have to carry visiting cards?” someone standing at his back asked.

He turned to see a bespectacled Harry-Potterish kid looking at him for an answer.

“Well,” he replied, “Why don’t you allow grown-ups on your swings here?”

The kid stepped forth and joined him on the bench, “Umm…I don’t know. May be you have separate parks. Do you have separate schools too?”

“Yes, in a way. And different homework assignments too.”

The kid squirmed his nose and questioned again, “What homework? Are you made to stand outside the class if you don’t show it up? Are you allowed to use a ballpoint pen? Do you have a bigger zoo for your picnics?”

The questions kept coming. They filled him with a merry sigh, he chortled and the only answer he offered was – “I am so so jealous of you kid!”

P.S: Ships are safest in harbours, but is it where they are supposed to be?

I will find it!

I have vowed to be happy, no matter what. Being stubborn helps. Being adventurous adds. And being arrogant abets. Well, why to let anyone else be my compass?

They tell me to fall in queues and go by the menu
To be jammed in an aisle, towing the world helpless

What if I jump around the kerb, to the wild bushes
Pluck those berries, or rent crayons for a mess
What if I let my feet find their own runway and catwalk into happiness

Why to wait for someone to pronounce the solemn ‘Bon Appetite’?
Isn’t the world a buffet, my plate huge, and my fork the best?

Books to nibble, poems to swig, movies to chew upon
Marinated with wardrobes, pages in the kitchen of a seamstress
Shaken, not stirred, is how one drinks Absolute happiness

Discover the Woman called Life, with an inch-tape and a Richter-scale
So much breadth, so much depth to it, why to sit on the shores and guess

People, their stories, their songs, their heroes, plots and villains
And the way life keeps peeling layers off you, yet the core, the farthest
It’s not a vacation all in all, but it’s a different land, it dares you- happiness

Money, Honey, trash to flash are like a bikini on a beach
What they reveal is good, but what they hide is priceless

To each his own, well right, pick the car, or the guitar
A job is still about finding true love, as wife or mistress
You can either sculpt long CVs or take your scoop of happiness


Running across daisies, opening the wings to fly
Falling out, breaking the herd, coz it’s ok to digress

Gallop on the winds, let some of it run through the hair
Blows, red-eyes, flowers, UFOs with whatever Life has to Bless

Board the storms, they will help you find new ports of happiness

If you can dodge the cookie-cutters, and refuse to be docile
Life is no fairy-tale but you can still be the princess

The crown has some heavy jewels but it can be fun,
Only if you do the right thing & have no one else to impress
The world is your kingdom, arrive, and find your happiness

Well, did a butterfly ever saunter in a harness ?

Life’s a game, but let it be football, not chess

If not in a trousseau, swishing a Flamenco dress

No need to be win Nobels, but live it large, no less

Let passion be your fuel, your heart the GPS

With some cajoling, some butter and a slice of duress
You watch it! I will find MY HAPPINESS


(Dig for it in your own way. It’s around. Oh, and yes, forgot to mention – Be honest. Because being truly happy inside is one thing we can never fake.

It's a wonderful world for sure: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VNGgUHvkwQ)

Soulmate! Have you found yours?

You are what I never knew I always wanted

WHAT’S the first rule of bargaining?

Don’t even think of dishing out acronyms like VFM, or Collaborative Window or Game Theory!

Go back to scratch (heyyy, stop itching. I didn’t mean that!).
Ok, I will help you. (scratching your brains i.e.:)

The first thing that your mother’s stern eye taught you at that bicycle store when the nine-year old version of yours was somersaulting in joy at ‘this is my bike!’ sight.

Before you could nosedive right onto its seat, the aphorism was planted with a strangulating grip and a sharp pinch – “Never show the seller that you have fallen for the product. Behave as if you are obliging him by buying the fare, rather than the other way round.”
Remember!

Yes, Momma dear, I still remember those ground rules of shopping (thanks to your pinch, that still hurts, ah). But am sorry, this time, I couldn’t restrain myself.

I had to shriek out of joy, get numb with ecstasy and dart right across to that masterpiece.
There was no time for abstinence when I saw it.

Just the same shade of purple. The exact fabric. Perfect print lineaments. And oh so absolutely symbion!
I don’t know whether I had really gone dizzy, or was it that rare moment of epiphany, but the whole enchilada suddenly transported my mind to few lines that some crackerjack had scribbled on an online profile.

Here’s what was quoted by the sibyl, from Richard Bach:

“Some one who has locks that fit our keys and keys to fit our locks.
When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are, we can be loved for who we are and not for who we are pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one ‘someone’ we are safe in our own paradise. Our soul mate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. Our soul mate is the one who makes LIFE COME TO LIFE.”

And that’s exactly what that top did to me.

It was the key to a lock that I had treasured in my wardrobe since my first Holiday to Goa. On a lark, (like most stuff women shop I know), I had got this weird printed skirt of a curious purple tinge. I just liked it. I knew I had nothing to go with it. Still I bought it (may be because the guy really had a cute smile and he said it will look good on me. Blush Blush).

But yes, I knew I probably would never take it out of my closet (like the proverbial skeletons…huahaaaaaaa. Scared you!). Ok, so there was this skirt, lying unattended, single, unattached, non-committed in neat pleats and forgotten long ago.

Until, that enchanted day when my eyes spotted its better-half - just the perfect top to top it, yeah.

As scatterbrained as I was at that bewitching moment, I squandered not a minute more. I summoned the shop-keeper, paid the first amount he breathed out, and took (snatched, to be precise) the parcel back home.

Moments like these stir up your sleepy spirits and make you utter Hallelujah!

When I placed the top next to the skirt, I started believing in God all over again.

It was the perfect fit. The top and the skirt were the epitome of MFEO (Made For Each Other). It was like they were cut out of the same cloth and sculpted by the same tailor, only to be stripped apart and made to wait for each other.

Opera music started wafting in my ears and the lines billowed down once again.
“Some one who has locks that fit our keys and keys to fit our locks…… Each unveils the best part of the other.”

Yes I had found SOULMATES.

Something half of Venus believes in and spends their life in looking for (may be a slice of Mars too, may be).

Soul mate.
A word that lifts us above our mortal existence. A hope that powers many matrimony sites and recharges some dating engines too. A musical mystery that keeps the cash registers ringing at most Coffee Cafes.

Weird as it may be, the law actually operates.

And you tend to believe in it all over again. Even after the fantasies you grew up with and nurtured as a teen (thanks to the chiffon world of Yash Chopra movies), get cruelly blue-penciled in the real world. Yes, even after that!

The law presents itself in other, strange forms and stamps QED to the lovely but hard-to-believe hypothesis around MFEO.

For instance, how do you explain goose bumps on your skin when you hear a song for the first time ever, and you just can’t stop playing it on and on in a loop. It’s like you have found something so-definitely-missing-so-far, or vice versa, and you feel complete in a strange way.

When you see a cloud, a sunset, a mountain, a tree, a scarf, a watch, a dress, a hat, a car; and you stand speechless, watching in slow motion, while the whole world around is whizzing by.

When you know, there’s some special, hard-to-explain pull in that thing.
A magnet that hooks you and makes you feel at home (even if you are standing in the far-off corners of some village near Beijing).

As rightly said, the purpose of Life is a life of purpose. And for a smart soul the purpose is to find the soul mate.

But life’s true joy and fulfillment is finding all the soul mates that are strewn across the world and around the years that make a lifetime.

The best beer-partner, the perfect listener, the immaculate shopping companion, the stranger in the lift, the perfect friend, the perfect mentor, the perfect coffee-mug, the perfect moment or the perfect arm chair.

For me, it’s also Tea, my perfect dress, my favourite serial, my adorable film star, my perfect restaurant, my perfect colour, my perfect flower and my perfect song. And yes, I still have to find many more. Like my perfect car (remember, Our soul mate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction;)

In fact, to this list, I can also add ‘my perfect interview’ (As goes by the lines- “When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are). Or for that matter, ‘My perfect shower gel’ (No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one ‘someone’ we are safe in our own paradise. This would apply here for sure.)

For you, it can be the perfect hobby, the perfect job, the perfect book, the perfect bag, the perfect pajamas or the perfect paneer recipe.

The truth and the trick is, it can be anything.

Absolutely anything.

Anything that completes you.
Anything that makes you alive.
Anything that touches you at places you had no clue you had. (Ah, that reminds me, I have to discover the perfect perfume..read scent..yet)

It’s all about keeping your antennae open and alert.

Some people are lucky enough to find and unite wardrobe soul mates, like I did.
Some people are already lucky and successful in finding the perfect mug-song-sight-scarf all rolled into one, in their life partners.
That’s when a companion joins you forever.
Who’s more of a ‘sole mate’ than a ‘soul mate’. Some one who fits your shoes and will accompany you anywhere in the long lovely journey of life.
But till then, in fact, even after that, don’t miss out on the other hundred soul mates waiting to be found.

Or shall I say be also open to be found.
Didn’t get it? Hmm.

I didn’t know what to make of the sea-shell beads handed over as souvenirs by the staff of Goa Marriott during my stay a few days back.

It was nice (just like the beach-hemmed Hotel Uff), but there was no function to it, no purpose, no context.

Except of course, pulling all the shells out and challenging myself to sew them together again. (Which by the by, I was getting all the more inclined to).

But before the goofy urchin inside me took over, I wanted the neat, nice child to have a chance too. When I hit back home, I tried looking for another lazy corner to dump it in (after of course I failed matching it to anything in my wardrobe).

And Lo! Right through the vying sights of many other contenders, a small picture frame caught my eye. It was a moment captured in the water-world of Singapore, in some other forgotten trip.

But when I placed the sea-shell string around it, both of them came to life.

I couldn’t help but smile with them. The child joined and beamed with springs in her eyes (the urchin didn’t of course).

And it’s then when I wondered.
Sometimes, forgotten things have a destiny too.
Sometimes, all it takes is another incomplete part, to make life come to life.
Life is all about finding and being found.

I am sure Einstein meant it well when he said, “Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in Love.” Quod Erat Demonstrandum

Well, what else can I say?
Keep looking out.

P.S: And forget those shopping rules once in a while. It’s ok to jump and holler. Believe me. And don’t tell this to Mom (yours, mine, anyone’s). They can still spank.

What Men Want?

Beer, Basketball, Porn, Babes, Cars, Gadgets, Bachelorhood?
That's all?


I KEPT MY PROMISE.
I told in my last piece that I will attempt to flip the question on the 'Men' side and here I am, struggling, yet trying my best.

Guys, all that I write here is the best distillation of all that my friends, cousins, classmates, colleagues, kith and kin have allowed me to see so far. I, and many more women, would love to hear, be corrected, be enlightened if you could build up on this litle piece of answers.

Hmm.

What do men want?

Let's try the catechism approach.

There is not much mystery, but something worse about the question on 'what a man wants?'.
Myths. There are a lot of assumed or overcooked conclusions from the sorority for the fraternity. When it comes to this question, guys don't puzzle girls, they irritate girls. At times, I wonder, how many of these myths actually hold true for the androgynous species. Let's try the most common questions any woman around is likely to have for the man in her life:

• Arrgh! Why is he glued to that darn TV and that damn sport called Cricket all the time?

Ok, before I grope for the answer, a question for you girls (or to be precise, for us, girls). What's the problem here? Are you upset with the game, which in an Indian home, would be cricket and in somewhere west, would be Baseball or Basket ball. (But no matter what genre it is, that nettling game who hijacks your guy stays in the house, and in the blacklist of every woman).

So is it the choice of the game that bothers us?

Is it the oblivious number of minutes (sorry hours) he spends on it, blissfuly forgetting that 'you too exist' irrespective of proofs like your 'shouting', 'fighting' or 'sobbing'?

Dear Femme Fatale, let's learn to accept the rock-solid truth. Guys married sports and TV before they married you. The first love is impregnable. And does it really matter if your guy wants to slop into a couch after a hard day out? If he can relax with a 21 or 29 inch box without any word for hours, what's the deal?

Does he get so worked up or vocal about your time to relax at the beauty parlor or spa or shopping? Why worry then?

Cash the opportunity. While he is happily tied up with TV, make the most of the time, do that long-telephone goss with your friends, or enjoy yourself in the kitchen or take a nice 'do-not-disturb' nap. What more, you can call him anything, vent out anything, while he is hardly listening but still nodding.

• Why does he not understand me?

Aha! Now we are very very clever at this one. Take a test yourself. Try to note down just one interpretation from a blank picture in a frame while she gazes at you with no help, no clue, but deep-mysterious eyes. And even if the audio -function is on, can you manage to translate anything when a confused, chaotic, multi-directional bulletfire is on?

Sweetie, if you really, really want him to understand you; first be sure at any one point that you want to be understood.

Be sure of at least one reason when you shed those precious tears?

What is causing these tears...a bad day at work, a bad bargain with the sabjiwallah, an argument with some monster-in-law, a date in your lovely calendar that he forgot today, a cue he did not pick up, a glance he could not read, a dress or recipe he forgot to compliment...what? Help him understand you. He may be dumb by your standards,.... so what, go out help him learn your syllabus.

• Uf! His ever-wandering eyes

Yes, guys do have a roving eye.

Why? Boys, at least keep a check on it, when your lovely lady is along. And she would know it, no matter how dumb or careless she may look to be. So beware.

As to girls, well, even we can't help a sigh when a George Clooney or Vinod Khanna passes our eye. Well said.... your guy is not the Adonis. Same goes for us. It's ok if he ogles, as long as he does not googles;)

• Bodyguard-cum-wardrobe manager

Don't wear that short skirt? Don't talk to strangers? I don't trust that colleague? Call me once you reach? Dress appropriately. I will come along............

For many girls, these lines are quite familiar. And for almost every man in their life.. They only travel from person to person..... From father, to brother to boy-friend to chubby-hubby.

Yeah, why do boys get so possesive and martinet-toned? I really hope to believe here that behind all that tough-stalin-hide lies a real concern for protecting their woman in this big-bad-world. May be, guys know it best how many rascals out there their breed has who can not be ignored. Am I right? Or is there more to the answer?

• Being the Bachelor

As much as any girl would be tempted to, I would restrain myself from calling the commitment-phobia a universal syndrome. What may be irritating and funny to womanhood, could be a big big worry sack in a man's head. The question mark is visible right till the last step on the aisle, right till the prenultimate moment of 'I Do'. I wonder why didn't they make a 'Run-away Bridegroom' yet?

At times, this question mark costs more than some harmless joke or a little fight...at times it could cost a lovely worth-pursuing relationship and even THE woman of his life.

So why the question mark? As much convenient it feels to believe amidst all the frustration, despair and anger for a woman, there should be a better answer than a short - "He loves his bachelor life" or "He is scared of commitment".

And even if that's a plausible answer, there's more behind the curtains. May be for a guy, marriage is not a just lovey-dovey turning point in life. May be for him, it's an abbreviation of all the bigger responsibilities and changes that his life would have to embrace with the wife he weds.

May be he is not confident enough that he has it within him (and with the ever-supportive and contented woman beside him he can make it successful) to be a great husband and a great father. May be.

• The obnoxious Beer Orgies

His glass-friends, his intoxicated appointments and the heavy hangovers. Hmm. Why can't guy say Bye-Bye to liquor? Why do they 'Keep Walking' there?

Time to flip back to the previous para and spend a minute on 'bachelorhood'. Girls bond differently. Girls relax differently. Guys have a different mechanism. Period.

It's not just the peg that lures him. It's the talk, the chat, the B2B blabber, the loosening up etc etc that he gulps along with that Guinness. Your 'stuff' is different from his 'stuff'. Why bother tweaking Nature's ways? Why forcing the wrong 'stuff'?

Let him have his holiday yaar. What's the harm in a beer-with-buddies every Friday?

• Guys don't feel

Wrong. Objection over-ruled.

Guys feel, it's just that they don't show. Or they do so in different ways.

Just because he doesn't say a 'I Love u'every morning; Just because he does not respond to schmaltz songs or memories; Just because he is not all hearts and flowers, doesn't mean that...you don't matter to him.

He may not be soft, but sensitive he is.

His love has a different syntax, that's it.

He can not cuddle up and hold hands all the time. That's not how he feels love.

But yes, for him, his love is 'your being around'. You may (and all fault of his) very well feel that you are all in the background while his job, his friends, or car or TV go upstage. But lucky lady, do roots ever show above the surface? And try taking off the roots and see how he withers.

He loves. He just doesn't show. May be he just doesn't know.

• Why is he so so sloppy?

It's next to impossible. You want to train him to death....Go ahead.

Some day, some wonder-day you will have your always-clean socks, a laundry in order, a clean kitchen after (and if) he cooks, a matching tie, a watch-at-the-right-place. Some day.

It's so interesting and intriguing. Leave the same male species on his own, beyond any form of female scrutiny, and I have seen guys actually doing their cooking, laundry and other such stuff perfectly. I dont know about others, but when I am home, with my Mom around, I can beat any guy in being all lazy and messed up. Why would a Guy exert so much if they have a Mom or a Mom-like-figure (a nagging wife for cleanliness) around them?

The questions, the myths, the frustrated queries don't end. There's a lot unanswered between guys and gals.

To cut it short....

It's just a personal opinion. But I guess guys too need to have their 'guy' space. Be it the time they spend with you, the time they do not spend with you, and the time they spend elsewhere.

They may look hopeless, but they are not. Underneath all the reckless, callous, tough-skinned apperance lies a responsible nerve, a caring muscle and a tender ligament. Let your 'man' be a 'man' and don't force a woman's DNA onto him.

Next time you buy him gifts, please look beyond that Rolex, the Cufflinks, the shirt and the perfume. This time try a sexy Playstation, a smart accessory for his bike/car, a whacky Beer mug, a ticket for a Rock concert, or a special pack of Cigars.

You love him? Love him the way he is.

(And guys, please don't prove my answers wrong. Share more insight, if you can.)

Keep Talking.

;)

By:

Pratima H

What Women want?

Ahan! Now that is not just the title of a nice Mel Gibson movie, but a question that's haunting many men since Adam. Here's a small attempt for Guys, who actually are bothered enough for an answer.


FRIDAY NIGHT. A single stud musing over a Budweiser can as he gazes intently at a lovely hot chick sitting across, alone in the pub. THE question bubbles up.

Monday Afternoon. A flummoxed colleague staring blankly at the female boss in the corner office. Loosening his tie, he mumbles in disgust THE same question.

Sunday Morning. A bewildered fight-exhausted husband standing speechless at a door just slammed on his face. He gropes and prays for an answer.

Sunday Evening. After rummaging out all possible shades from his shelves, and sitting nonplussed in a sea of sarees, the salesman surrenders to the lady customer and to THE eternal question.

THE QUESTION. The same question that could be giving nightmares and day-long headaches to the market research and advertising team of any FMCG major....."What do WOMEN WANT?"

Yes, the question has echoed through centuries and across myriad varieties of situations and men. Estrogen has always been a puzzle territory for the other gender. And many might be familiar with the strange feeling in the pit of your stomach, when you scream out that question to your woman and all you get is... a very-very cryptic, silent gaze.

To confess, the answer is anything but simple. But whip up some sincere observation, with a dash of genuine curiosity seasoned with common-sense axioms filtered by all the women who have walked the earth before and now, and Lo...it's an answer worth finding out. If that sounds mammoth, read what follows and think over if it hits any chord.

You can either look for answers or ask some simple questions and question some myths.

Does a woman want ....a career or may be an identity?

Chivalry...or real respect?

Cosmetics...or feeling beautiful?

Tissue paper...or a hand that offers one when she needs to cry?

Roses...or a symbol that someone cares enough?

Cards...or the awesome feeling that you remembered her Birthday?

Eyes that check her out...or eyes that try to hear her once in a while?

Being judged all the time, person after another, one exam after another...or just being accepted for what she is, with all her flaws and her strengths?

Is she an awkward, sloppy, slow driver ...or an overcautious, scared driver who wants to avoid accidents and is more worried about not hurting someone, and that includes the car.

Power...or some way she can make a difference to the world the way only a woman cares to?

Women Reservation/ Equal opportunity Laws .....or real equality, dignity and rights?

A forever fuss over your Cigarettes and alcohol.....or a chronic concern for your health?

Clean socks...or a life in order?

And now some specifics:

• If you are a brother, do you know what your sister wants? May be a little more than just a Rakhi gift or the usual dictums. She wants you to still teach the Bicycles at a new track of life, but like the first time, she wants you to believe in her enough to let go on her own, even if means a fall once in a while. And yes, no matter how grown up you are, your little sister may still want your strong shoulder sometimes.


• If you are a father, just stop and ponder on what your daughter may want. She wants a life-partner, as much, may be more than you do, but she doesn't want to be pressed on finding a husband.


• If you are a friend, a girl would give the best selfless friendship you can ever imagine, if she can have a male friend, who is 'just' a friend she can share everything with without any hang-ups or potential worries. A woman knows how hard (almost impossible) it is to have a platonic friend, who sticks by forever, without ever digressing on the other track, without ever 'seeing her in the other way'. It means a lot to a girl. Guys, if you are a good friend, please don't step over the territory and ruin everything. You can have the most beautiful relationship and friendship, if only you ensure to not let the other 'stuff' adulterate this great feeling.


• If you are a husband, take my word, your wife doesn't care a fig for what you can do about her wants. She will love you much more, with an intensity and selflessness that will shock you some times, only if she knows that you care for what she wants
• When your woman makes a new recipe, she doesn't necessarily want you to swallow and struggle for a false compliment....she just wants you to appreciate the effort. You don't really have to praise it as long as you can laugh along. ...She may apparently want a nice, clean house reflecting her fastidious obsession for 'shoes-at-the-right-place'. But may be behind all that, she wants a place, a home, a perfect nest her family comes back to when the sun sets.


• If you are still on the way to be a husband, it's very easy to be fogged in some myths. But an honest gaze into her eyes will tell you without any doubt...she doesn't want diamonds, she just wants to feel special in any way you can tell her so. It looks great to see a man go down his knees when he pops the question, but that's not what a woman actually wants...what she may want is just to be looked up to, at least for that one special moment in her life, by her man..... And for all those boys wondering why girls scout for guys with a swanky car or a cushy job, well may be a girl wants a guy who's successful enough, whom she can really look up to. She doesn't want a car...she wants to feel proud that 'you' have earned it...... And yes, not to forget, as much as she sweats and frets over the trousseau or the guest list,... any woman, a true woman,.... would always something more special than 'wedding'. She wants a 'marriage'.

Talking of marriage for a moment here....She for decades, has been struggling to work that utopian marriage, where does not have to amputate one part of her life at the price of another when she gets married....where she instead gets to love and bond with two families that come together with marriage ......instead of tackling the heavy intricacies of compatibility, egos, prejudices etc.

You know what women (barring exceptions), women who still have managed to retain their core, what these women really want.....lovely rains...guiltless chocolates...carefree shopping.....happy pups....a small garden...kids....a peaceful warless, gunless world where she knows that her family is safe, happy, healthy and smiling.

What a woman really wants is a man she can really really respect and look up to.

A woman wants a feeling, an acknowledgement that she is much more than a uterus, or a Mrs. Someone.

A woman wants to come out of the shell of 'being taken for granted' all the time, everywhere.

Have you ever heard of a woman's retirement plans talking about Yachts and Island-vacations and fishing trips? At the end of her life, most women would rather be a fat, generous, grey-haired, happy Grandma playing with the grand-kids. She would sign off any cheque non chalantly for those blissful moments.

The answer actually, is simple.

For the guy in the pub....she does not want to be laid, but loved.

For the tie-wrestling colleague....she doesn't want to be obeyed, but respected.

For the man jousting in that argument with his wife, .....she wants to be listened...not just heard. For all her shouting and yelling, may me she wants to show that she exists around, with more tangibility than a forsaken, forgotten piece of furniture. She would always prefer a good talk over a good fight.

For the salesman..... your special customer does not want to be pandered to, but understood.

For the puzzled market researchers.......she does not want to sold to, but helped.

If you have this question boggling your life in any way, press the brakes, and stop for a while. No matter who the woman in question is; your wife, your boss, your mother, your customer, your sister, your daughter, or your special someone, she would not care for anything better...not even for the answer, if you can for once, for one small honest moment, manage to at least bother to ask that question sincerely...what does she want?

She would give her life in response to that question..believe me!

As to 'What Men Want'. Well that's another interesting question. Will attempt to answer that in my next piece. Till then, keep asking:)

By:

Pratima H.

Sand or Silica: Bob Massa, an interview to remember

This section is where I normally write about discovering the ‘extraordinary’ in ‘ordinary’ people. But isn’t finding ‘ordinary’ in someone ‘extra-ordinary’ just as special? This is for Bob, who made me change my rule.

IT’S JUST ANOTHER AFTERNOON.
Just another day.
Just another elite hotel.
Just another of those ‘big’ interviews, I have arrived for.
About to meet a stellar business name, a rebel who dared to challenge a Goliath of the Internet bastions, a gladiator who ignited a war a few years back and a lot more.

As I swagger with my paraphernalia into the Coffee shop, my eyes scan across the room in a swift reconnoiter to pick out that Business Samurai. I had seen a few photos and thought it would be a quick hunt.
But as strange and inexplicable as it sounds, you never have to hunt for a friend, be it a train station, a high-decibel party or a forest wilderness….even when the friend has a visiting card that reads – ‘so far a stranger’.

In the same strange moment, my eyes dropped the 007 cornea, when they suddenly stopped at a table in the corner. Sitting in a casual black shirt, happily engrossed in his tiny notebook, taking an occasional break for a sip at the cappuccino lying beside, was this elderly face that I just had to walk towards.
As I approached nearer, I saw two bright shining eyes, framed in simple-smart black glasses flanked by a grey-but-shinier (am sorry if that’s a wrong word) duet of hair and a happy beard. The eyes looked up and shone brighter with friendliness when I stammered, “Bob?”
He smiled generously and answered back in affirmative as he stood up to greet me. An avuncular handshake and a warm ‘How are you’ later I found myself settled right across him without the routine clock ticking away in my head this time.
And that felt so comfortable, even though quite off-the-routine.

We had more than two hours to chat at leisure, unlike the normal clockwork appointments. And while I did wonder at the onset if this was ‘too-much-time’ and ‘what-if-I-ran-out-of-my-questions’, I had no idea how surprisingly and pleasantly the time was going to pass away.

Yes, as much as we journalists say about our profession, “Oh, I love it, I get to meet so many people”, we all know how soon and irretrievably the ‘people’ part evaporates.
You only meet names, pre-conditioned faces, PR puppets or masks.
And your interviews soon morph from an energetic conversation to an artificial Q&A, where all you are engrossed with is ‘your questions’ and all the person across the table is worried about (and PR punctuated with) is ‘the right answers’.
In the same rut-of-routine, I had arrived to meet Bob Massa, the guy who sued Google. I was like always armed with my questions, ready to steer ahead in the territory of my ‘scope-and-subject’ and the rough outline like always.
But this friends, was everything but ‘like always’.

By the time I was scribbling away for the second question, the interview changed to a conversation and I got more worried about listening to the person across the table instead of taking down ‘hot’ quotes and ‘Cold’ notes.
We were jumping chaotically from one topic to another, in a freewheeling skating trip of ideas, and soon I found a lovely order in all the randomness.
For a relieving change, I was not asking questions for ‘the’ interview, but for my curiosity. And here was Bob, a feast for my appetite, who got me more thrilled and attentive about ‘why’ he did what he did, instead of ‘what’ he did. His passion, his logic, his heartfelt reasoning, his ‘no-regrets’ tone can snare even the best of prejudiced minds.
Yes, it’s a treat to find all that candor when you are interviewing a businessman.
Candor that is fair and double-edged. Bob answers with the same incredible ‘no-words-minced’ frankness when you ask him about his flaws, mistakes and shortcomings.

When it was time to wind up, I really was surprised at how soon the time flew by.
As I started packing up my stuff, I was glad I had hit two-birds-with-one-stone or whatever they call it.
I was taking back a great interview and also this special piece for my blog.
I had come to meet another big-shot, another extraordinaire.
But what made him more extraordinary was the amazing endearing way, he had kept the ‘ordinary’ inside him alive.

An astute tech-and-business mind who still housed a soft heart inside;
A wise genius who can speak so easily on ‘how-stupid-he-has-been’;
An expat from Oklahoma, who is happy as a child to read a newspaper in his small garden in India, who is in love with a small city here and who beats me at greeting the ‘Kem Cho?;
A daredevil who challenged the big G, but a fun Grandpa who is happy to lose to a three-year old any time;
A 24/7 sleep-deprived workaholic who shuffles his sleep clock daily to answer client calls, but who still wistfully longs to be together with his wife for a simple holiday.
A body who struggles everyday with health challenges and still manages to be cheerful and bright-eyed round the clock.
A veteran boss who is all praise for a young COO hire and feels awkward when he has to fire someone;

And of course, someone, who after all the good-and-bad experiences of life still finds it tough to say ‘No’ to a friend; someone who makes me feel for a change that no matter how stupid or quixotic or gullible it sounds, there are still ‘ordinary’ hearts out there who would do some things just because THEY FEEL RIGHT, in the heart (even if wrong on a Balance-Sheet or in the world’s opinion).

Bob didn’t feel at all like a stranger.
It was really lovely meeting you Bob.
Stay the same.

By:
Pratima H

You wish life was Simple enough?

• I have always been a nitwit at Mathematics (My School Teacher can vouch for that). Why the heck then does God dish me out this algebra of life?
  
  MY TEA had gotten cold again.
  It’s a routine I have got used to now.
  Everytime, when my mind gets battered bad enough with a fierce jab from life; and I skedaddle to this little corner by my window for some answers; the little spider on the top nook entangles me along.
  As I watch him weave, thread after thread of a new intricate web, my thoughts accompany his blueprint design and leave me wondering at the similarities life has suddenly taken with this knotty architecture.
  And like that night in class V, when I was fruitlessly sweating away at an algebra equation, I heave a helpless sigh and stare up with blank eyes. “Couldn’t this be a little simpler?”
  The spider was busy with his web, toiling arduously, heedless to my sighs and grudges as ever.
  I took my sight away from the web, shifted a glance to the mason-so-happy-at-work, and suddenly my point of view (literally and figuratively) changed. I took a flashback trip to myself as a happy child at age seven, who used to come by the same window, and watch the same construction site. That child never used to get entangled in the web. She never found it intricate or complex or lifelike etc etc. You know what she rather defined and loved it as? ‘Aesthetic!’ Yes, she indeed manage to find the web a piece of beauty and smart architecture.
  Where the heck did I leave that simple child and accompany this stupid sulking grown-up instead?
  Why didn’t my ophthalmologist detect this big skew of vision?
  We wish life was not this hard equation we need to solve each day.
  If we could only use some simple formulas and be unadulterated of all the pain that spoils a child’s way of life!
  There’s actually a simple trick to attack every complication in life. Check some of my discoveries out…and am sure you would have many more to share ahead.
  
  In life:

• Nothing can be more esoteric than trying to understand the complex script of life, wondering and worrying everyday how the other characters would play out next. Here’s a much easier way out. Forget the script. Just play your role well. Get some claps once in a while for a good, graceful dialogue. And get rid of that make-up. You would enjoy it like never before buddy.


• Expectations. Ah! The rigmarole of life. Shoo them away. At least keep them to the bare minimum. As a very good and wise friend told me yesterday, once you do so…everything that comes in your life then, looks like a bonus. Smarter Mathematics, Eh?


• Lying. Now, What a waste of human’s knack at embellishment! What a snowball of cover-up lies and gruesome histrionics! Speak out the truth. Leave it there, whether they take it or throw it.


• Understanding others is the Trigonometry of life’s Mathematics. The only clues to your advantage are ‘being your best’ and ‘being fair’.
  Working up ways for revenge drains so much brainpower. FORGIVE. And then head off for a chilled beer.


• Each one of us can sheepishly admit by now that hating is an all-time-headache. LOVE. There’s nothing more simple. Believe me.


• Controlling others’ reactions? That’s a heavy one. How about making sure your actions are good and sincere? Once you have done that, you don’t know how great it feels to grab your worries by the collar and say with a sassy voice, “Go, take a walk.”


• Pulling out a brawl over party-noise with the neighbour is not a good expense of YOUR time. How about some ear plugs?


• Planning life like a stock portfolio. Why not live each day as if it were the last and rather invest on the more important stuff.


• Keeping artificially up on social networks or P3Ps. Fragile. Being someone your friends can always count upon. Vouchsafe.


• Writing for eyeballs. Why? Writing honestly, sharing thoughts. Why not?


• Managing the junk of ill will is a rag-picker’s job. Flush away all hard feelings. Relax.


• Fighting with parents. A little myopic. Try listening to their advice once in a while and switch places, even if just for fun over-the-fence. You may suddenly find your eyes with a changed number.


• Fuming and fretting over a bad day. Load-Shedding. Switching on ‘Friends’ on the idiot box and being silly with ‘Joey’. Re-charges.


• Boggled with questions. Out of your territory. At least knowing your answers, or asking the right questions. Your parking area Sir!


• How to overtake someone in a race. Huh!. Being the marathon runner. More fun and more scores.


• Struggling with sadness. Bad Debts. Pursuing happiness. Pays off.


• Blaming the dark. Lazy. Lighting a candle. Bravo.


• Tracking the barometer. Uff! Carrying a brolly daily. Ah!


• Cribbing over the menu. Futile. Making a good choice. Smart & Simple.


• Complaining to God. Complex. Praying. Simple.
  
  
  At Work:

• Slowdown! Oh don’t give me that. There are only two ways when you are shipwrecked amidst this storm. Either worry and lose blood pressure over when and whether you will see the shores. OR survive. Keep swimming till you can. Isn’t that simple?


• Worrying about job loss can only up the anxiety. Do your job well and have a back-up skill (even carpentry if that be it). Now...Sleep well.


• Convincing a customer. What a drudgery! Genuinely trying to solve something for him. Slam-Dunk!


• Haggling. Complex and bad-odoured. Negotiating a win-win. Simple, fast and it-never-stinks.


• Chasing and keeping power. Unwieldy. Earning respect. Much easier. More durable.


• Being the boss. Aww! Being the Bud. Wow!


• Offence. Complicated. Defence. Simpler.
  
  And in Love…

• It’s an Einstein’s work to find ‘the’ right man/woman of your life. Here’s something more simple. Be THE right woman/man.


• Proposing. Getting rose-eyed over someone and then puff-eyed next while you wonder how and when to pop the question? Bare your heart. It’s much simple when the ball is not in your court. You have given your ‘serve’. You only have to wait for how it comes back. Even if it’s a zero, Dude, they still call it a ‘love’, don’t they?


• Never worry about finding or affording that perfect gift. And if you do, remember that you are at least lucky enough to have someone you can give gifts to. Not many might be as blessed as you are.


• Relationships. Maze. Love. A straight road.


• Doing the love autopsy. Esoteric. Donating your heart selflessly to the one you love. Exoteric!


• If you are struggling with missing pieces in a relationship, yes baby, ‘Love’ is still a patchwork, but you will be surprised to see how long and strong this simple adhesive holds everything together.


• Staring wide-eyed at misunderstandings. Arcane. Keep doing your efforts gracefully. Satisfying.


• Giving loud proofs. Courtroom. Doing a silent sacrifice. Justice.


• And if you think falling in love has been too much of gravity, well think it this way - At least something was strong enough that floored you Sweetie.


• If the struggle through love seems like a labyrinthine tread, feel lucky that you have at least found someone worth it all. A wise old man once said, “You have never actually lived till you have found someone worth dying for.” Aren’t you better off?
  
  There are only two ways of living life - Complicated and Simple. One is that makes you worry over ‘tomorrow’ on a ‘yesterday’. And the other lets you sleep snug in the pillow everyday.
  Choose your heart over every other organ.
  That makes all the difference between living like a zombie and sleeping like a child. Dil hamesha left mein hota hai, par…hamesha RIGHT hota hai.
  
  And mine has just told me that…The spider was just doing his job. I saw it as a web.
  Good Morning!
  
  By:
  Pratima.H
  (P.S: If you think likewise, share more such bullets on simplicity and let’s make life richer and simpler ahead)
  
  

Love Vs Romance

Love...

It's not just about dancing in the rain

But mending the leaking roofs together

It's not just about candlelight dinners

But doing the greasy dishes together

It's not just about swinging in the hammock

But rocking the cradle together

It's not just about a long nice drive

But fixing the flat tyres together

It's not just about holding hands

But lifting the furniture together

It's not just about chocolates and Bourbons

But visiting the dentist together

It's not just about sharing a postal address

But sharing THE remote, if you can

It's not just about a cozy Friday movie

But standing in the ticket queue too

LOVE...

It's not just about picking silly eye-lashes

But about counting the wrinkles as sweetly

It's not just about Archies Cards

But handling the Ration-Card together

It's not just about gazing at the stars in space

But giving the space your special one needs

It's not just about giving scarlet roses

But scooping out the weeds in the garden together

It's not just about loving the charms

But about loving the flaws as

LOVE...

It's not just about giving gifts

But about giving sacrifices too

It's not just about great conversations

But about listening the unsaid

It's not just about pillow-talks or pillow-fights

But about making your shoulder a pillow forever

It's not just about how many anniversaries you celebrate

But about how many break-up moments you survive

It's not just about sitting beside

But about STANDING BY, no matter what!

It's not just about some Dates

But about years...and forever....

Love is not the Coke that will fizz out the next or next-to-next Valentine Day

But a wine, that will endure, grow and linger on against all odds.

Happy Valentines:)

To all those who have been blessed with this wine.

Cheers! And a toast to Love above Romance

pRATIMA . H

The Tch-Tch Killers...F.O! Get Lost!

Someone's tragedy is not a pity-party. But it shocks to see how many people in your close circuit are drooling to be invited!

WHEN I hung up the phone, I was still hanging.
Somersaulting from incredulity to doubt and finally to blankness.
"What will I say?"

I had just got the news of a friend's engagement being called off.
"What will I say to her?"

I had to be beside her at this sad turn of events, just the way I was when we celebrated the anticipated Big-Day. Just the way I was along, when she was happily flooded beneath shopping sprees and trousseau trips.
"But what the heck can I say to make her feel better?"

She was so much looking forward to the big moment finally arriving in her life.
"And what can I possibly rummage out of my dictionary that will be sincere, heart-felt and at least some tiny bit of support?"

Heart-felt? My heart wanted to sob together, to hug her in a sad embrace, as it so well knew and understood how life-shattering such a volte-face can be for a girl! But tears, sobs and shock... she must be living enough of them. I needed to supply something different. Consolations are always my bete-noire territory. I always struggle with the maladroit inside me when consolation times knock.

How can you cheer-up or steady someone who has just been ripped apart with the blow of a tragedy?
In what words?
A dead-pet situation can accommodate sentences like "It's ok", "There's more to life" or "There's always something better". But can you even dare apply it to personal tragedies of irreversible significance like deaths? My friend's tragedy was almost a death, of the lovely future she was so ardently waiting for.

What can I say?
But as it turned out, that was the last question on anyone else's mind.
As I entered her place, I found her enveloped by voracious jackals, ravenous crows and ruthless vultures.
Interestingly, and sadly, all these species belonged to the so-called sensitive and soft gender called 'female'.
While I had been wondering with what to say, there was no dearth of words from this gathering.
Words were pouring in all shapes, in all flavours...as questions, as jibes, as potshots, as a generous lemon squeeze on the wound, as unsolicited cruelly-timed advices and what not.

There were aunts. There were family friends. There were 'oh-ever-so-concerned' relatives.
And no body was losing her chance to take a dig or to satiate the big gossip-cum-curiosity appetite or to flaunt her wisdom:

"What happened?"
"Oh. That's so sad! But how did things come to such a pass?"
"Good Lord! Just think of all the preparations already started."
"Whose fault was it?"
"What have you thought of now?"
"I know a suitable boy, you know my nephew, the one in UK I mentioned before?"
"Arre, leave it to the girl. Beta, I have some pictures. Have a look at them yourself. I am sure your online profile can still be activated."
"I know it's sad. But you have to move on."
"Gosh! She's already 27. This IS the time. You are already so late! It's now or never."

And if you thought that all this is a prerogative of the senior citizens, then Lo! How mistaken can one be!

Moments later I see our friends supplanting the bevy.
Her own close friends are now rewinding the same sequence of arrows and cannons.
And yes..the very friends who had their share of vulnerable spots too, but which my friends so considerately and strenously tried to avoid..always. She too had her chance of spitting out.."Why are you not planning a baby?" or "Why did you both break up?" or "How do you manage with your in-laws?"
But she never choose to even touch the delicate subjects, unless the other one initiated a catharsis.
May she should have, if she could have seen that these very friends would pounce on her today with casual cruelties.


"It's sad na. We are so much waiting for the big date."
"Come on. It's ok. You have to move on babes."
"You remember the guy we met at the Cafe the other day."
"Just flush all the pictures, cards and other stuff. You cannot weep over and put a pause to your life. Get up and move on."

MOVE ON!
Two simple easy words, which people use as recklessly and as detachedly as a tissue roll.
If ever fate makes these people walk the talk, I would really like to see how many inches can they even began to cover.
Even I, want my friend to move on but... like any sensible, empathy-oriented human being, I know that all that these two words, at the time of an unexpected bolt of crisis in her life, ...all that these two words can manage to mean is the simple existence of life and not the overnight transformation to a new relationship that only plastic hearts are capable of.

I want to see my friend move on too.
So that she can at least feel like applying some Dettol to her bruises.
So that she can at least swallow food items that used to be her drop-saliva favourites.
So that she can at least find Joey or Phoebe funny again when she stares blankly when the TV airs 'Friends'.
So that she can at least spare a look at the new stock or dresses or anything when we try to take her out shopping.
So that when we click a photo together, I can some tinge of smile in her eyes again.
So that she can cover the journey over the shattered pieces firmly as she treads on the broken glass of her life.Because that's a journey she alone has to cover, all alone, over every shard.
So that she can stop drenching her pillow with tears all night while the aunts and friends slumber to glory.
So that she can slap back a poignant glance or answer when people ask her the same questions and proffer the same advices every time,... every damn other time that they show up.

When I came, I was struggling for words.
And after witnessing this carnage of feelings, I felt grateful at my poverty of words.
As another scathing remark hammers the last nail in her heart's coffin, and she runs inside the kitchen, I follow her inside.
Her face is at the window and even with a side-angle I can see her silent tears and sleepless eyes.
I think of my options.
A. "Don't cry. It will be alright."
B. "Do you want to talk?"
C. "God's will buddy. Let's accept it."

Somehow, I strike off my options and turn back to brew some tea.
Some minutes later, I offer her a warm cup and a warm silence.
As I sit beside her, I hope and I know that she understands my silence which says.........
"It's bad and I know it. All I can say is that, I am around my friend!"

While we are sipping the grief and tea together, I can still hear the women outside exhaling their 'Tch.Tch's
Wish I could scream out. F.O!

pRATIMA .H

Auntz-the tiny species

Being an Aunt is not at all the rehearsal for being a Mom. I discovered that.

How many times in life you get scared to the bone-marrow?
Age-7. Groping in the dark.
Age-16. Board Exams.
Age-18. First bunk for a movie.
Age-23. First Interview.
Age-25. First elopement (doesn't apply to all I know)
Age-28..............
A soft, puny, extremely delicate midget of the size of your palm and with no bigger body organ of significance except a pair of the most articulate and curious eyes....you stand in front of this strange species called a baby...and your best friend watches you intently...waiting for you to take the pink human mass in your hands!!
I check back in the dictionary and conclude...no 'scary' is just not the word.
It's so much more strange and serious than that.

Holding a few weeks old (Ok, may be I should use the word 'young' here) baby in your hands is a completely alien feeling. It's a feeling that travels from being petrified to blank to weird to anxious to seraphic.
You are not sure whether you can manage not to bruise that lovely Johnson & Johnson's face before you muster the courage to take her in your arms. And then you are not sure if her questioning eyes would condescend enough not to bawl to glory while doing the honours in your arms. Would she accept my brave efforts? Would she scream now? Would she be comforatble in my gauche hold?

But then something totally unexpected happens.

She manages to scrutinise my face silently and then rewards the valour with an angelic smile.
A smile that only babies can manage. A smile that shines on you right from the eyes. A smile that is the best synonym for contagion, for bliss, for being touched.
And before you even realise, you establish a lifelong camaraderie with a four week young (see I corrected) buddy.

Meanwhile, your best friend, in her newly-acquired designation of a Mom, is still waiting for some comment, the long-awaited compliment. But who cares? Who has the time? You are busy conversing in baby babble about the many nuances of life with the new found friend. Wish there was a Do-Not-Disturb placard on diapers too.

Good Morning!
The world has changed for you a little..or more.
Well.
You are an Aunt now. Yes, officially, the Mausi of this angel.

And even if the poor parents struggle to convince you about the vices of lollypops, Candy jars and lap-times, there's no argument cogent enough to reverse the zeitgeist.
"I am the naughty Aunt. I have all the right and I will spoil her all the time." You announce back.
"From cookies to huge Teddys to Playstations to Short-skirts to Boy-friends. I take up the Pamper-zone. You don't tresspass in my territory and I would reciprocate the same etiquette for your discipline-territory."
"Come On." you continue reasoning with the Mom. "Your role is different. Allow me the luxury of mine."
And moreover, our gang of girls can bestow the blue-eyed baby all varieties of Aunts.

Some would teach her culinary secrets.
Some would bequest her the craft of shopping.
Some would make her the heir of long-nurtured rhymes, songs and Lullabies.

And I can finally pick huge piles of tiny-tomes from the Kids section of Crossword, my favourite zone, (which bestows me many curious eyebrows when I spend three-fourth of my visit here instead of joining the grown-up sections of Pulp fiction, Self-help and abstract authors).
Wow, I can actually buy those Peter-Pans, Heidis, Enid Blytons, Pirates, Fairies, Pixies all over again. And I would have finally a nice company to read them with.
As I walk away from the book store, all elated, I feel like giving my new friend's Mom a big hug.

That's the best present she has given me for our lovely past together.

I can't however because she is busy swinging her sweet-eyed cherub when I meet her.
But my eyes hug her nevertheless as I find time to discover that my silly-old friend has turned so beautiful.
Her eyes have a different dignity, happiness and soul now, as she graces the experience of being a mother.
That's something we Aunts can never emphatise with.
And so, because the Aunts know that she would be a Super-Mom, we can have all the fun as the Super-Aunts.

It's not rehearsal. It's recherche.
Something you won't understand till you face a baby.
It's not scary.
It's different.