Monday, April 6, 2009

What Women want?

Ahan! Now that is not just the title of a nice Mel Gibson movie, but a question that's haunting many men since Adam. Here's a small attempt for Guys, who actually are bothered enough for an answer.

FRIDAY NIGHT. A single stud musing over a Budweiser can as he gazes intently at a lovely hot chick sitting across, alone in the pub. THE question bubbles up.

Monday Afternoon. A flummoxed colleague staring blankly at the female boss in the corner office. Loosening his tie, he mumbles in disgust THE same question.

Sunday Morning. A bewildered fight-exhausted husband standing speechless at a door just slammed on his face. He gropes and prays for an answer.

Sunday Evening. After rummaging out all possible shades from his shelves, and sitting nonplussed in a sea of sarees, the salesman surrenders to the lady customer and to THE eternal question.

THE QUESTION. The same question that could be giving nightmares and day-long headaches to the market research and advertising team of any FMCG major....."What do WOMEN WANT?"

Yes, the question has echoed through centuries and across myriad varieties of situations and men. Estrogen has always been a puzzle territory for the other gender. And many might be familiar with the strange feeling in the pit of your stomach, when you scream out that question to your woman and all you get is... a very-very cryptic, silent gaze.

To confess, the answer is anything but simple. But whip up some sincere observation, with a dash of genuine curiosity seasoned with common-sense axioms filtered by all the women who have walked the earth before and now, and's an answer worth finding out. If that sounds mammoth, read what follows and think over if it hits any chord.

You can either look for answers or ask some simple questions and question some myths.

Does a woman want ....a career or may be an identity?

Chivalry...or real respect?

Cosmetics...or feeling beautiful?

Tissue paper...or a hand that offers one when she needs to cry?

Roses...or a symbol that someone cares enough?

Cards...or the awesome feeling that you remembered her Birthday?

Eyes that check her out...or eyes that try to hear her once in a while?

Being judged all the time, person after another, one exam after another...or just being accepted for what she is, with all her flaws and her strengths?

Is she an awkward, sloppy, slow driver ...or an overcautious, scared driver who wants to avoid accidents and is more worried about not hurting someone, and that includes the car.

Power...or some way she can make a difference to the world the way only a woman cares to?

Women Reservation/ Equal opportunity Laws .....or real equality, dignity and rights?

A forever fuss over your Cigarettes and alcohol.....or a chronic concern for your health?

Clean socks...or a life in order?

And now some specifics:

  • If you are a brother, do you know what your sister wants? May be a little more than just a Rakhi gift or the usual dictums. She wants you to still teach the Bicycles at a new track of life, but like the first time, she wants you to believe in her enough to let go on her own, even if means a fall once in a while. And yes, no matter how grown up you are, your little sister may still want your strong shoulder sometimes.

  • If you are a father, just stop and ponder on what your daughter may want. She wants a life-partner, as much, may be more than you do, but she doesn't want to be pressed on finding a husband.

  • If you are a friend, a girl would give the best selfless friendship you can ever imagine, if she can have a male friend, who is 'just' a friend she can share everything with without any hang-ups or potential worries. A woman knows how hard (almost impossible) it is to have a platonic friend, who sticks by forever, without ever digressing on the other track, without ever 'seeing her in the other way'. It means a lot to a girl. Guys, if you are a good friend, please don't step over the territory and ruin everything. You can have the most beautiful relationship and friendship, if only you ensure to not let the other 'stuff' adulterate this great feeling.

  • If you are a husband, take my word, your wife doesn't care a fig for what you can do about her wants. She will love you much more, with an intensity and selflessness that will shock you some times, only if she knows that you care for what she wants
  • When your woman makes a new recipe, she doesn't necessarily want you to swallow and struggle for a false compliment....she just wants you to appreciate the effort. You don't really have to praise it as long as you can laugh along. ...She may apparently want a nice, clean house reflecting her fastidious obsession for 'shoes-at-the-right-place'. But may be behind all that, she wants a place, a home, a perfect nest her family comes back to when the sun sets.

  • If you are still on the way to be a husband, it's very easy to be fogged in some myths. But an honest gaze into her eyes will tell you without any doubt...she doesn't want diamonds, she just wants to feel special in any way you can tell her so. It looks great to see a man go down his knees when he pops the question, but that's not what a woman actually wants...what she may want is just to be looked up to, at least for that one special moment in her life, by her man..... And for all those boys wondering why girls scout for guys with a swanky car or a cushy job, well may be a girl wants a guy who's successful enough, whom she can really look up to. She doesn't want a car...she wants to feel proud that 'you' have earned it...... And yes, not to forget, as much as she sweats and frets over the trousseau or the guest list,... any woman, a true woman,.... would always something more special than 'wedding'. She wants a 'marriage'.

Talking of marriage for a moment here....She for decades, has been struggling to work that utopian marriage, where does not have to amputate one part of her life at the price of another when she gets married....where she instead gets to love and bond with two families that come together with marriage ......instead of tackling the heavy intricacies of compatibility, egos, prejudices etc.

You know what women (barring exceptions), women who still have managed to retain their core, what these women really want.....lovely rains...guiltless chocolates...carefree shopping.....happy pups....a small peaceful warless, gunless world where she knows that her family is safe, happy, healthy and smiling.

What a woman really wants is a man she can really really respect and look up to.

A woman wants a feeling, an acknowledgement that she is much more than a uterus, or a Mrs. Someone.

A woman wants to come out of the shell of 'being taken for granted' all the time, everywhere.

Have you ever heard of a woman's retirement plans talking about Yachts and Island-vacations and fishing trips? At the end of her life, most women would rather be a fat, generous, grey-haired, happy Grandma playing with the grand-kids. She would sign off any cheque non chalantly for those blissful moments.

The answer actually, is simple.

For the guy in the pub....she does not want to be laid, but loved.

For the tie-wrestling colleague....she doesn't want to be obeyed, but respected.

For the man jousting in that argument with his wife, .....she wants to be listened...not just heard. For all her shouting and yelling, may me she wants to show that she exists around, with more tangibility than a forsaken, forgotten piece of furniture. She would always prefer a good talk over a good fight.

For the salesman..... your special customer does not want to be pandered to, but understood.

For the puzzled market researchers.......she does not want to sold to, but helped.

If you have this question boggling your life in any way, press the brakes, and stop for a while. No matter who the woman in question is; your wife, your boss, your mother, your customer, your sister, your daughter, or your special someone, she would not care for anything better...not even for the answer, if you can for once, for one small honest moment, manage to at least bother to ask that question sincerely...what does she want?

She would give her life in response to that question..believe me!

As to 'What Men Want'. Well that's another interesting question. Will attempt to answer that in my next piece. Till then, keep asking:)


Pratima H.